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Well, well. My antidepressant has triggered a full-blown manic episode. Instead of OCD/depression, it looks like I have OCD/bipolar disorder. (BTW, I'm sorry that I keep writing about this stuff, and I'm sorry that I've been so self-absorbed, but I really need to be self-absorbed right now.) I've barely slept for days and am feeling a little too good right now (though I'm also really worried).

Hoo boy.

Part of the reason that it's hard to diagnose is that I have what they call mixed mood episodes: mixed mania and depression. I did wonder whether I was bipolar a while back because I'm well aware that I have mood swings, but I've rarely felt the euphoria that's supposed to accompany mania. My moods tend to swing from miserable but hyper to miserable and no energy.

I did feel euphoric today though. However, I think that I'm maintaining okay. I did spend a couple of hours dancing around the living room (singing "I'm in trouble. I'm the queen of trouble!"), but I did have the presence of mind to put on my headphones as it got late and to completely cut myself off of caffeine. I intended to cut myself off of caffeine when I was diagnosed with OCD because it exacerbates my OCD, but when the medication was making me sleepy, I needed it to stay awake. And yes, I will call my doctor, but I need to assimilate this info a little first.

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