The Six Word Challenge reminder
May. 15th, 2025 10:09 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png)
The words:
Merchant
Bend
Allow
Software
Ego
Elaborate
Love and Other Conspiracies makes many references to one of my favorite shows, The X-Files. Sadly, this book about a believer and a skeptic making a web series is no X-Files. It’s not terrible, but it is, alas, boring.
The story is told from the heroine Hallie’s point of view in first-person, present tense, henceforth referred to as FPPT. I may need to make a rule that I don’t review books written in FPPT anymore because it so often annoys me. My feeling about FPPT is that it can be a very effective tool when properly deployed but it is prone to over-use. For instance, in The Hunger Games series, FPPT gives us immediate access to the thought processes of characters who may otherwise be difficult to understand or identify with, and it underscores the immediacy and urgency and speed with which events are unfolding. In a slow paced book like Love and Other Conspiracies, FTTP frankly gives me a little too much insight into the mind of the main character, making her seem immature and self-obsessed. And the present-tense narration just underscores the fact that nothing is happening.
My personal rant aside, Hallie and Hayden are sweet, intelligent, kind people who communicate well and support one another unfailingly. This is lovely. The best parts of the book are little snippets of them interacting while filming their show, which I would absolutely watch. It’s very Buzzfeed Unsolved only with flirting, and I wish there were more of it. Although we only get Hallie’s point of view, we do see some background and character development from Hayden. Sometimes when there’s only one point-of-view character, the other character can be vastly underdeveloped, but Hayben does come across as a real person with a real life.
I’m a big fan of relationships that are drama free, but stories need some conflict to pull them along and the conflict in this book just was not compelling enough for me. The biggest conflict in the book involves Hallie’s co-worker and ex, Cade, who was and who remains emotionally abusive. Hallie’s recovery is very much one-step-forward, one-step-back. This is realistic and understandable, but it’s also very repetitive. Hallie is constantly afraid of what Cade might say to undermine her at work, but the comments from her other co-workers suggest that Cade does not have the upper hand here. We only see the blustery side of Cade, not the charming or manipulative sides that abusers can deploy with terrible effectiveness. So instead of seeming like a viable threat, Cade comes across as a one-note, obvious bully who is almost universally disliked.
This book was a cute story and I enjoyed the monster-hunting interludes. More of those interludes would have been lovely. As is, the book is too nice for its own good. I didn’t hate it – but I also didn’t care much about it. If you want a kind-hearted story that is gentle enough to fall asleep to, this might be your jam.
It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Do I need to rush to buy a new car for my job?
I have a long-term job where I didn’t need a car until a few months ago, when I began transporting stuff for a new project about 2-3 times a week. Unfortunately, my car recently broke down beyond repair. Fortunately for me, I live in a bike-friendly area and can also easily take public transit to work. Because of where I live and personal finance goals, I do not want to buy a new car right away.
But now there’s this dilemma about who is going to transport project stuff. I have asked about a courier service and really hope one can be set up soon (but sometimes things take a while). In the meantime, my colleagues are stuck transporting stuff and are being inconvenienced. I truly value my job and colleagues, and work hard to make sure things run smoothly at our workplace. So, am I in the wrong for my decision to put off buying a car? I don’t want my lack of car to be everyone else’s problem … but I also don’t want to rush into a financial decision because I’m worried about this task at work. I’ve felt really embarrassed by this whole situation! Ideally, no one would know how I get to and from work and whether or not I feel it’s an appropriate time to purchase a new vehicle.
More context: Having a car was not in my official job description so unless it was in other paperwork, I don’t think it’s technically a requirement for my position. And the “stuff” named above cannot be transported via public transit or a bike.
Nope, you don’t need to rush to buy a car, or even buy one at all if you decide you prefer not to. Having a car doesn’t sound like a requirement of your job; you happened to be able to do this task because you had one, but now you don’t. Just lay out the situation for your boss if you haven’t already, so they aren’t thinking this is about to resolve itself in a week or two: “I was happy to do this when I had a car, but I want to make sure it’s clear that I’m not going to have one for the foreseeable future, so this isn’t something I’ll be able to resume doing unless I can somehow expense transportation.”
The fact that it’s falling on coworkers meanwhile is something they’ll each need to work out themselves, but it doesn’t obligate you to do anything differently. After all, if you hadn’t had a car when this first came up, I doubt you would have felt obligated to run out and buy one. This can get handled now however it would have if that had been the situation all along.
2. What should be handled by HR versus managers?
What falls within what an HR department should do, and what falls within the regular duties of managers?
I’m the sole HR person at a smallish (66-person) company that is fully remote. I recently heard that one of our managers, Kurt, had proposed requiring his team to have their cameras on at all times. This is ridiculous, impractical, and at odds with our company culture. Fortunately, his team pushed back hard, and it was dropped.
I mentioned to Kurt’s boss that I wanted to talk to Kurt, since not only did he appear not to understand our company culture but I also had some serious concerns about their team that need to be addressed. I am extremely qualified to help with both of those.
Kurt’s boss, Melissa, was offended. From her perspective, this is a management issue and HR has nothing to do with it. Melissa said she would handle it, and it was definitely not an HR issue.
From my perspective, it is an HR issue. It’s against our company norms, and it suggests deeper issues with Kurt and his team. But maybe that really is a purely management issue? Should HR normally be involved in coaching and training, or is that the purview of the manager?
For background, Melissa and I have both been with the company for many years, and are on the same level. I come from a corporate background, but Melissa hasn’t worked in management anywhere except here. Which is to say, neither of us really knows what’s considered normal! This is not the first time we have butted heads about issues. Staff will often come to me directly with interpersonal issues, because I am more approachable than Melissa. She gets frustrated that staff go to me for guidance. From my perspective, that’s just part of my job. And to be honest, it’s something that I really enjoy. An awful lot of HR is paperwork, it’s nice to deal with actual humans sometimes. But Melissa is somewhat territorial.
So, am I wildly out of my lane? Should I steer people back to their managers when they have a problem, or is it normal and appropriate for me to get involved?
In an ideal world, this kind of stuff would be handled by managers, who would consult HR for guidance if needed. Only if a manager wasn’t handling it effectively on their own should HR get involved. If Melissa wants to handle it herself and appears to be doing it effectively, you should let her.
As HR, you’re there as a resource for managers (and their teams) if they need you — you can flag issues, offer coaching and guidance when needed, ensure laws are being followed, etc. — but the goal should be for managers to manage their own teams unless there’s some specific reason why they can’t or aren’t (and if that’s the case, you might step in, but even then part of the goal would be for you to work with the manager to equip them to better handle that stuff themselves in the future).
You can certainly talk with Melissa about how she’s handling things with Kurt and about what the outcomes are, and you have some leeway to poke around to ensure the result is indeed that Kurt gets better aligned with your company culture. But it makes sense for Melissa, his manager, to take the lead on handling it.
3. What should I say in peer evaluations?
My org always seems to be updating their annual review practices. I’m glad they’re always aiming to improve this process, but we seem to have new guidelines about what feedback they want every year and I’m not sure what they’re really looking for. Last year I could just email my boss a few sentences about my experience working with a team member. This year there’s a structured form with four sections and three empty bullet points under each. The sections are:
1. What is your colleague doing well?
2. How can your colleague’s strengths be maximized?
3. What would you like to see more or less of from your colleague?
4. What advice do you have for your colleague?The first section is no problem, my team is functional and we have a kind, thoughtful manager who gives us autonomy so there are plenty of examples of team members doing good work. But the other three sections feel murkier to me. For #2, if I don’t have any new ideas, is it okay to say, “I think my colleague’s skills are being well deployed”? For #3 I imagine diplomacy is the way to go, not “I wish my colleague didn’t ‘think out loud’ so much but I just tune it out for the most part.” Same vibe for #4? I don’t assume that my approach to work is the only good/valid way, so unless there are real issues or the employee themselves has asked me for advice on a specific matter I’m inclined to just write, “Keep up the good work!” Is it helpful to get replies like this as the manager? Is there another way I should be thinking about or approaching these questions?
Yeah, this is too much to ask of peers. #1 and #3 would be fine, but the rest of this gets into asking for assessment and feedback that managers should be the ones providing (which they can do in part by assessing and synthesizing the feedback received from #1 and #3).
I’d think about what feedback you want to offer, regardless of what the specific questions are, and then offer that and only that. You’re not locked into the framing of their questions just because they’ve presented them this way. If you want to mention that you’d prefer your colleague not think out loud so much, feel free to — but you don’t need to say it just because question #3 is there. In some companies, you could count on a skilled manager to relay that feedback appropriately — including deciding if it was even necessary to relay at all — while in others it would get relayed in a way you didn’t intend (“Jane says you think out loud too much”). So say only as much as you want to say, and go vague for the rest of it (like “nothing comes to mind” or “nothing additional to add,” or so forth).
4. Can I use an offer to try to get a second offer?
I worked for a company focusing on federal contracts until all the contracts were terminated and I was laid off in March. For the last six weeks or so, I’ve been consulting with Company A for 10 hours per week, doing work almost identical to what I was doing before I was laid off (just not on federal contracts).
After a few rounds of interviews, I feel fairly confident I’m about to get a job offer for a full-time position with the local city government. I’d much rather work full-time for Company A, mostly because it’s work I want to do, while the job with the city is only tangentially related to work I want to do. Can I use the offer from the city to see if Company A wants to hire me full-time? During my consulting interview with Company A, they asked if I would be interested in a full-time role as they were thinking they might need to hire full-time in the future. If this is something worth trying, what should I say to them? If they say no, I will take the job with the city and finish out my current project with Company A, but I wouldn’t be able to continue consulting with them.
Yes! Be straightforward: “I’ve had a full-time offer that I’m considering, but I know you’d mentioned that you might hire full-time at some point. My strong preference would be to work for you if a full-time role became available. I need to respond to the offer by (date) but I wanted to first check with you about whether full-time work is a possibility.”
5. Salary negotiation success story
After a feedback session last month with my new grand-boss, I screwed up my courage and asked if I could say one more thing. I told her that the main reason people leave our company is offers of more money with less work, and that I was paid so little compared to the area cost of living that I was just approved for a government low income mortgage program. She took it seriously and said she’d talk to HR.
A week later, she told me HR had done their market analysis and claimed we were paid in line with the area. However! She disagreed and she asked for my input on her email pushing back against them, because my team does a lot more than normal for our title/role.
Today, grandboss and great grandboss called me in and told me I was getting a 5% bump — and I am still eligible for the annual percentage-based merit raise next month. I know my teammate got called in before I did, too. I guess pushing back against HR worked!
Thank you for all your advice. I’ve never advocated for a salary adjustment like this and didn’t think it would work in my company. I’m so happy!
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