days_unfolding

Had a really fun night at the club Thursday night, sparkling was wonderful Thurs/Friday, today is my only day off of the holiday, I am working Sunday and Monday - service work of my kind means working when everyone else is off.

I wanted to hang art and pull weeds and plant a sprig of rooted rosemary and do silks and ride my bike but after a really lovely birthday brunch with Josh's parents, I am in a foul, foul mood for no reason whatsoever. None I can pinpoint. I feel weirdly hungry even though I ate more than enough, I feel undercaffeinated even though the coffee was powerfully strong. I ate my "elevate" gummy, I took my fish oil and supplements, I don't know what happened, my mood just collapsed, and my motivation is nonexistent. I am in a great deal of pain and my hands are swollen, my feet hurt just walking around the block to fetch Avalanche (and then back again to properly close their gate, as I couldn't do so with an angry cat in my arms when I took her out).

The weather is perfect. We came home from brunch and I took Josh out to the back yard to show him where the pumpkins are popping up and Avalanche was on the other side of the fence again. Fortunately she came over to us when she heard us in the yard, but she would not come back through the hole she re-opened. She scratched me on the way home, after I went into the neighbors yard (with their permission - they are out of town but answered the phone immediately, I am grateful) not out of malice, she just gets scared when she is carried. She was totally relaxed in the middle of the neighbor's yard eating grass like she owned the place, when I went over to retrieve her. She was perfectly safe, but only because the neighbors took their dogs with them.

Josh properly screwed in a piece of wood to block the hole (I had just wedged it in there, Avi pulled it down) so she's secure again. She is sleeping in the grass, all blissed out.

Who knew this little rectangle of outdoor space would become my new home. I am out there constantly and Avalanche even moreso. I drink my coffee out there and Merlin the birds and poke my phone and look at the sky and read and just chill. It's small and really boxed in with tall houses all around and a 20' tall wall of trees on the back side, but it's private, and sheltered, and enough.

I have tried crackers and chocolate to perk myself up to no avail. I am contemplating either a nap, or another cup of coffee. I think sometimes when my joints are inflamed and I am in a lot of pain, it leaks into my brain somehow.

( also just to mark something slightly personal/explicit )

Being 51 is difficult, and I know it is only going to get harder. But I am grateful for all the good stuff. Things are pretty good overall, I just need to find a way to convince my body and my mood that this is so.

...

The eagles are doing awesome. I'm so impressed. They have matured way faster than their sisters did last year. They started self-feeding way earlier, they are doing wingers and jumping way earlier, I think something about their aggressive nature that caused all that early bonking behavior is actually benefitting them now that they are older, and may serve them well in the wild. I feel more confident that they'll make it than I felt with the girls last year, who fledged after only self-feeding tentatively for a couple of weeks. I couldn't imagine how on earth they would ever be able to fend for themselves, as eagles need to scavenge and steal their first year of life while they learn how to hunt. But these two might have a shot.