Random is gone

I called the vet on Wednesday, but they didn't have an appointment available until today. Random spent yesterday and today resting quietly in the living room; he seemed to enjoy being in the middle of things while I worked on organizing the living room. I spent yesterday and today second-guessing myself; he would do something that made him seem "better", but then I'd remind myself that he wasn't eating, and that he wouldn't last long. I had problems sleeping, but every time that I got up, he was still awake and sitting quietly. It seemed almost like he knew that his time was limited.

The vet was really nice. She remembered Random, somewhat to my surprise. (I remember her on one visit scratching him in the exact right spot under his chin, and he went "MMMM", and she called him "Lover Boy".) She examined him and said "I'm not telling you that you're making the wrong decision, but we could hospitalize him, put him on an IV, and run some tests, and see whether his kidney function is totally gone or not."

I told her that even with pet insurance, I couldn't afford to have him hospitalized. That probably would take all the money I have. Period. I was wincing over the cost to have him euthanized, cremated, and buried ($225). But it wouldn't have been fair to leave him to die at home. I think.

So she put him to sleep. I generally hate that euphemism, but it was very peaceful and did seem a little like he was going to sleep. She told me that "they would take good care of him" and took him away.

I was able to hold it together to run some errands, but being at home is hard. I'm surprised at how conspicuous his absence is. The girls (Harlee and Nima) tend to go their own way. Random was the one who was awake when I was awake, asleep when I was asleep, and who hung out near me. Harlee is being a little standoffish, so I wonder if she's wondering where Random is.

( Random's bio )