Weekend update

[days_unfolding]

I'm up, so I might as well update. I have a cold, and have been napping periodically all day, so I'm wide awake now. Oops. (I started this entry last night. I did get tired.)

I didn't like the Philosophy book group on Monday. It was filled with somewhat contentious people who wanted to be more clever than each other. Not my scene, especially given that I have a tough time with group discussions; they move too fast for me. At least now I know what it's like. I'd like to find a Great Books book group if one meets at a time that I'm free. Some of them meet in members' houses though, which could be a problem.

I caused a bit of a stir at Dale Carnegie by giving a speech that was fairly honest about my nervous breakdown a few years ago (or at least as honest as I could be in two minutes). The reaction that I got was mostly positive, although there's one person there who won't look at me anymore. I seem to have won the instructor over. At first, she seemed to not like me, and was always picking on me.

I probably came off like I didn't care. The truth is more complex than that. There's a cluster of symptoms called the negative symptoms of schizophrenia (such as apathy, lack of drive, withdrawal, trouble talking (which first caused problems at work), etc.) Diagnosis notwithstanding, I think that I have all of those symptoms, at least to a mild extent. (I'm obviously functioning to some extent.) People who've known me for a long time have noticed a marked change in me. The friend with whom I was fighting said that he thought that I shouldn't have taken my current job (although he was mad at the time). So I'm not sure what to think. I did some reading, and there is a form of late-onset schizophrenia that hits women. Usually they're menopausal. (Researchers think that estrogen helps prevent schizophrenia.) While I'm obviously not menopausal, I did start having perimenopausal symptoms (the beginning of the changing process) right before I got sick, and I've always wondered if there was a connection. It might be a moot point though because doctors can't do much with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. I was looking for some behavioral way to attack the symptoms, but didn't find anything. I guess that I need to try to work with individual symptoms.

Anyway, I'm glad to know that I can still win people over.

I've gotten heavily into Vivaldi's music. I like every work of his that I've heard thus far, and I can't say that of anyone else of any genre. Now I'm getting into the Baroque musicians in general. One website said, "Baroque music expresses order, the fundamental order of the universe." But I really don't believe in the fundamental order of the universe, although maybe some of the appeal of the music is the contrast with the universe. It's beautiful (some of it heart-rendingly so), it's orderly, it doesn't demand anything of me, it calms me down, and it makes me happy. The music is very addictive, although I'm not going to start worrying until I start selling my books to buy CDs -;)

Whenever I'm home all day, I'm always amazed by how much the cats sleep. I think that I want to be a cat -;)

Comments

[sunshine-two.livejournal.com]

I'm confused. Didn't they diagnose you as bipolar?

[days-unfolding.livejournal.com]

They did, but I'm not entirely certain that I buy the diagnosis. I do have mood symptoms, but they're relatively mild. The type of hallucinations that I had are more consistent with schizophrenia than bipolar disorder. And my personality now is more consistent with schizophrenia than bipolar disorder. So it makes me wonder. They won't diagnose with schizophrenia unless I have absolutely no mood symptoms though. (I've had a similar discussion with my doctor before.)

[lesliesailor.livejournal.com]

Oh, I absolutely LOVE Vivaldi! (I must have at least 4 or 5 CDs of "Le Quattro Stagioni" by different conductors, but I think my favorite is the Academy of Ancient Music with Christopher Hogwood conducting.)

You may want to listen to Boccherini also, because his music is very sinilar to Vivaldi - they were all in the same time period!

[days-unfolding.livejournal.com]

I was about to say that I hadn't heard of "Le Quattro Stagioni" when I decided to do an Internet search on it. Oops. Yes, I have heard of it -;) I suppose that the "Quattro" should've tipped me off.

In fact, I'm listening to it now (Boston Symphony with Silverstein as the soloist). I also have the version with the English Chamber Orchestra and Zukerman as the soloist. So far, I like the Boston Symphony version better.

My personal fave Vivaldi album is one by my favorite classical guitarist, John Williams (John Williams plays Vivaldi concertos). It's kind of quiet and low-key.

I'll have to check out Boccherini.

[papoose.livejournal.com]

I'd love to do the Dale Carnegie thing. It's one thing I really lack.

And I always call baroque broke :P

[days-unfolding.livejournal.com]

Dale Carnegie is worth doing, although it's harder and a lot more work than I expected.

"Broke music". I like it -;)