days_unfolding

Another reason to lock down my journal (make it friends-only) is the nuisance caller. It became clear to me somewhere along the line that the journal is feeding the calls. While the calls have diminished, they haven't stopped completely. (Even fewer calls is nicer; I'm more likely to pick up the phone now without checking caller ID or letting the answering machine pick it up.)

The public web site and locked journal combo is, of course, the exact same pairing that I intended to implement with my old (friends-only) journal and this journal. I'm trying to remember why this journal became a public journal. I remember that I was jolted by a comment about a comment (as it were) that lamented the fact that someone's journal was mostly commented on by teens, and Taiyo responded that maybe the journal writer had something to teach those teens. (I wish I could find the comment.) I said, "Ouch". I thought about the fact that I seem to attract an audience whether I like it or not (usually not), and wondered whether there was a reason for it. Then I wrote an entry about levels of disclosure. (The crispness of the entry blows me away today. You can tell it was pre-psychosis. I hope that I get it back.) Then I created this journal. I know that physically maintaining two different sites was a pain, so I think that I lapsed into making this one my public journal (thus defeating the purpose of locking the other one down in the first place).

Ideally, the types of entries would be different on the different journals. LJ is the equivalent of "morning pages", which are pages in which you write about absolutely anything just to get writing and to clear out all the stuff that's floating around. LJ entries would be largely written in the moment. Web site entries would be introspective and written in retrospect.

There could be a third type of entry that would reside on my machine, in Life Journal. Perhaps the "morning pages" type of writing would reside there, with select entries promoted to LJ for my mom and the people on my friends list. I don't see myself having enough free time to implement a system this complicated though.

BTW, I decided to finish the psychosis entries (which are definitely public-type material) before I lock down this journal. However, it's way too late to write another installment tonight.