Endurance

[days_unfolding]

I had system problems at the meeting that I was running this morning, and was unable to get the visual portion of it to work. At least I got a list of things to do differently for next time. I was able to crank through a bunch of stuff and get it in the driver. That was the day, dreary but productive.

I'm going to cut back down on my Risperdal dosage. The blurred vision and tremors are back. I also have been having what I think are symptoms of a panic attack: shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and a feeling of unreality. They are not a listed side effect, but anxiety is listed, so they probably are caused by the Risperdal. The worst side effect is that I'm getting extreme toothaches in several of my teeth. I don't think that it's just a dental problem because the pain is the worst 12 - 14 hours after my Risperdal dose, and it completely goes away at night. I've been having pain elsewhere (finger that I injured in high school and the knee that I injured a couple of years ago) as well, but not as intensely.

Yeah, I know, what a litany of woe. I'm just tired of the tradeoff of acquiring a clear mind at the expense of my body (and vice versa). At least, I don't think that getting rid of the remaining sporadic voices are worth the additional side effects. (My doctor will probably disagree, but he isn't the one who has to deal with the side effects.) The lower dosage still should keep me from a full-blown episode, such as the one that I had last summer.

My life right now reminds me of when you take a really long hike, and realize that you overestimated your capacity, but know that the only way out of there is to keep walking. So you put your head down and walk and walk, even though it hurts. That's what I'm doing right now.

Getting a new cat is something to look forward to (although I didn't hear back from the shelter confirming my appointment). I also really want to get together with Erik, more than just about anyone else right now. I need to find out if he's back from his business trip.

Comments

[tequilasunset.livejournal.com]

You have every right to woe. I wish they
could come up with drugs without all the
nasty side effects.

"My life right now reminds me of when
you take a really long hike, and realize
that you overestimated your capacity,
but know that the only way out of there
is to keep walking. So you put your head
down and walk and walk, even though it hurts."
(A sad, but very exceptional analogy.)

((*))

[days-unfolding.livejournal.com]

Thanks.