I'm back...
Oct. 20th, 2005 02:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
days_unfolding...And I'm very shaken.
Sunlight, specifically summer sunlight, makes me manic. Even being under florescent lights all evening can keep me up at night. I sold my light box because I experienced racing thoughts looking into it.
Now that we've shipped, I've been trying to adapt to a daytime schedule again. With hindsight, I should have upped my medication dosage before I even tried that.
Instead I just had the worst relapse that I've had since I got sick four (?) years ago. The part that frightens me is how badly my logic was impaired at the end. I upped my lithium dosage to deal with some other manic symptoms, but my logic (at the time) seemed just ducky to me.
And wham, suddenly I'm back to normal. Thank goodness. Now I'm having to deal with some lithium side effects, but that can't be helped. It's also exacerbating the symptoms for which I take Dexedrine (such as memory problems), so does that mean I need to up my Dexedrine dosage too? I feel like someone's mad science experiment.
It took me three days to get in touch with the doctor, so I'm glad that I upped the lithium dosage before I got his okay.
It could have been worse. I think my judgment about some LJ entries and comments was slightly impaired, but that's about the worst thing that I did.
::shivers slightly::
*********
Overheard at the office: "...my mom is 47..."
(Adrienne does a silent scream. I'm turning 43 next month. I'm not ready to be a contemporary of the parents of colleagues! Though I suppose, consider the alternative -;))
*********
The Taco Belle was at the taco place tonight. Unfortunately, she's being very reserved and unreadable now. Part of it might be just because I (effectively) turned her down. I was making a point of being ultra-friendly tonight, but let's face it, when you're looking for a lover, a friend is a lousy consolation prize. But the part that concerns me was that I was getting a strong buzz from her that suggested that she was really turned on--and then she vanished for a long time. Maybe she was taking her break, but I have a feeling that she bailed somehow. Maybe she was just playing around the other day and got a much more sexual reaction from me than she expected? I was in a similar situation recently in which I got a strong sexual reaction from someone who I had thought had only platonic feelings for me (and vice versa). His reaction really freaked me out--and turned me on.
So I don't know. I hope that she's okay.
Sunlight, specifically summer sunlight, makes me manic. Even being under florescent lights all evening can keep me up at night. I sold my light box because I experienced racing thoughts looking into it.
Now that we've shipped, I've been trying to adapt to a daytime schedule again. With hindsight, I should have upped my medication dosage before I even tried that.
Instead I just had the worst relapse that I've had since I got sick four (?) years ago. The part that frightens me is how badly my logic was impaired at the end. I upped my lithium dosage to deal with some other manic symptoms, but my logic (at the time) seemed just ducky to me.
And wham, suddenly I'm back to normal. Thank goodness. Now I'm having to deal with some lithium side effects, but that can't be helped. It's also exacerbating the symptoms for which I take Dexedrine (such as memory problems), so does that mean I need to up my Dexedrine dosage too? I feel like someone's mad science experiment.
It took me three days to get in touch with the doctor, so I'm glad that I upped the lithium dosage before I got his okay.
It could have been worse. I think my judgment about some LJ entries and comments was slightly impaired, but that's about the worst thing that I did.
::shivers slightly::
*********
Overheard at the office: "...my mom is 47..."
(Adrienne does a silent scream. I'm turning 43 next month. I'm not ready to be a contemporary of the parents of colleagues! Though I suppose, consider the alternative -;))
*********
The Taco Belle was at the taco place tonight. Unfortunately, she's being very reserved and unreadable now. Part of it might be just because I (effectively) turned her down. I was making a point of being ultra-friendly tonight, but let's face it, when you're looking for a lover, a friend is a lousy consolation prize. But the part that concerns me was that I was getting a strong buzz from her that suggested that she was really turned on--and then she vanished for a long time. Maybe she was taking her break, but I have a feeling that she bailed somehow. Maybe she was just playing around the other day and got a much more sexual reaction from me than she expected? I was in a similar situation recently in which I got a strong sexual reaction from someone who I had thought had only platonic feelings for me (and vice versa). His reaction really freaked me out--and turned me on.
So I don't know. I hope that she's okay.
