Major Suckage

[days_unfolding]

I hate depression, but I don't know anyone who likes it, so that's probably stating the obvious. My insurance company convinced me to start using their mail-order pharmacy because it's cheaper. Mistake. UPS said that they delivered one of my meds last week, but I can't find it anywhere. I don't know if I misplaced it or someone took it. I don't remember getting it. But my place (especially the kitchen) is a wreck, so it could be somewhere where I haven't seen it.

I take two antidepressants, and the missing one is one of them. I've been off that med for a couple of days now. And it's wreaking total havoc on me. I've been experiencing brain zaps whenever I move my eyes. And I kept on thinking really dark thoughts, the mildest of which was that Mimi wished that I never adopted her because I can't pay enough attention to her. And it got much, much worse. I was ready to scream yesterday.

Today was better, so I' m learning to cope a little. I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off next week, so I hope that I either find the med or establish that I never got it. (At least I realized that my life is somewhat out of control, and I needed the time off.) I had forgotten how crappy depression can make you feel, and withdrawal symptoms double it.

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[days-unfolding.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I'm experiencing chills too, but those are easier to deal with.