End of My Rope

[days_unfolding]

I got woken up from a sound sleep by the doctor, who lectured me about not being there. She told me to call the nurses station and have them bring the phone to Mom and tell her to do hospice. I'm going to eat lunch and try to throw myself together first. I've officially hit the end of my rope.

There was a cute guy working on the neighbor's garden, although he initially parked across my driveway, so I'm not impressed with how "with it" he is. I looked like hell, so I hid from him. I'm not sure what's with my interest in guys right now; there's a guy in my classes on whom I have a crush. WAY too young for the likes of me, but I've been enjoying seeing him on Zoom.

I ate and showered and feel a little better, although I'm coughing. I called my mom's nursing station, and they said that they'd hand her the phone. Now I wait, I guess? I submitted a Walmart delivery order.

I've been working on homework. I tried calling Mom and finally got through, but she didn't seem to understand what I was saying about the hospice care. She didn't understand how to use the phone! I tried.

I just emailed my advisor, telling her that I wanted to withdraw from this semester. I just can't do it anymore. I just can't.

In the time from when I wrote my advisor, I found my summer-weight clothes (I'm wearing short sleeves today) and summer-weight pajamas. Plus a dress-up outfit in case I need to hold a memorial service. (I feel like the British Royal Family, who always travel with black clothes in case someone dies.)

I found a poke place near my mom's house! I'm eying the Rainbow Bowl. The California Crunch Bowl sounds kind of good too.

I started cleaning up the kitchen, but I ran out of steam. I'm going to set up the CPAP soon and go to sleep.

Comments

[iddewes]

You really didn’t need that doctor lecturing you on top of everything else! You are doing the best you can.
I’m sure your advisor will understand your wanting to withdraw though.

[days_unfolding]

My advisor was great. People are being very supportive.

[susandennis]

I have not commented before but read all your entries. You are a massive and impressive juggler of so many things, any one of which would bring most people to their knees. I have no advice or magic tricks. I just wanted you to know that your writing is being read by at least one someone who hopes you catch a break and soon :)

[days_unfolding]

Thanks. I feel like I'm dropping plates all over the place, but I've been trying to juggle. I hope that things get simpler, but I'm not holding my breath.